Happy Halloween!

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST:

ARIES: You wisely understand that you'll have more to offer a loved one after you've pursued your own dreams and goals. TAURUS: Do not talk about an ex with your current love, even if what you have to say is neutral. No matter how you phrase things, jealousies will arise. Best to say nothing. GEMINI: Your friends lead you to potential loves, or a sweetie will lead you to new friends. CANCER: There is no need to go too deeply into your past with someone you are just getting to know. Remain mysterious. LEO: You'll receive a thrilling invitation. VIRGO: Focus your care on those who appreciate it and will demonstrate it with a touching display. LIBRA: Your energy improves when you spend time with a certain person -- and don't spend time with those who are draining to be around. SCORPIO: A loved one will be impressed with how well you fit into his or her world. SAGITTARIUS: Spiritual matters will be worked out in a physical way. CAPRICORN: The moment will arise: You will captivate the attention of someone you've long been interested in. AQUARIUS: A love triangle is featured. PISCES: Love is a melding of worlds. Compromise to make it work.

COUPLE OF THE WEEKEND: Libra and Sagittarius are two sophisticated signs that have a wide range of interests and a broad definition of beauty. Both signs are lifelong learners, though Libra tends to be more bookish and Sagittarius learns through experience. They are open-minded and believe that being in love means you are willing to extend yourself in new ways, do things differently, compromise and go with the flow.

Happy Friday!

The Blonde Test Taker

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

A Love Story

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will
be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter
and go get your flu shot!

Teen to plead guilty as accessory in shooting of Revere police officer

A teenager who allegedly set in motion a series of events that ended with the killing of a Revere police officer is expected to plead guilty today in a Dedham courtroom.

Derek Lodie was 17 years old when he walked onto the athletic field behind Revere High School at 1:30 a.m. on Sept. 29, 2007. A verbal confrontation occurred between Lodie and a group of adults who were drinking that included several Revere police officers.

Officer Daniel Talbot, a member of the department's gang unit, taunted Lodie about the Bloods, according to court records filed earlier in the case by Suffolk District Attorney Daniel F. Conley’s office. Lodie -- who did not know Talbot -- allegedly used his cell phone to summon Robert Iacoviello Jr., 20, a suspected member of the street gang.

"As Talbot approached Lodie, who was continuing to taunt and in the process draw Talbot towards the parking lot, Iacoviello ambushed him," Suffolk Assistant District Attorney Edmond Zabin wrote in court papers.

Talbot, 30, was shot in the head and later pronounced dead. At the time, Talbot was in the park with his fiancée and three other Revere police officers splitting a six pack of beer, authorities have said.

Iacoviello has pleaded not guilty to a first-degree murder charge and is being held without bail.

At the time of Lodie's arrest, defense attorney J.W. Carney Jr. called the events that led to Talbot’s death "very unusual and very suspicious."

The shooting led to the firing of Revere Police Sergeant Evan Franklin after an internal investigation. Franklin ran from the scene and ordered the first arriving police officer to drive him home, not provide assistance to Talbot, according to the investigation.

Relatives of Talbot are expected to address the court when Lodie pleads guilty today, according to a spokesman for district attorney. Lodie will appeared today in Norfolk Superior Court in Dedham because Superior Court Judge Patrick Brady, who has handled the case, is now hearing cases there.

Motivation for Monday Morning

The loving couple

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names '

The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bitch her name.

The Talking Dog

A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks, 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and
was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit'

Weekly Horoscope

ARIES (March 21-April 19). You may not think of yourself as a domestic wizard, but you're actually pretty talented, especially when it comes to cooking. That one thing you like to make -- it can't be beat. Whip up some to share at work. The gesture will impress your peers and make everyone happier. Generosity comes back to you threefold.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). They say it takes five nice comments to balance out one mean one. Someone in your family has four more to go, but don't hold your breath. Not everyone knows this rule. You'll be better off if you quickly forgive the grievance and move on. You'll make astounding progress on a current project.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). A storm of excitement is brewing just over the horizon. It may seem as though this is something that is happening to you, but really it's happening because of you. You've been concocting this delicious piece of personal weather, and finally you will get to experience the wondrous culmination of your efforts.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). Your positive attitude will serve as armor, protecting you and saving you from getting dragged down by piddling daily stresses. Most of the stuff that could upset you will bounce right off as you think, "Who cares?" You've got more important things to do, and you'll be very busy doing them this week.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). A shift in leadership leaves you wondering where your responsibilities will fall. Time will show this to be a fortuitous turn of events. Since you work well with a broad set of people, you'll find your way without much stress. Others won't have such an easy time, though. Your friendly countenance will help them through.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Your dreams this week, both during the day and at night, will be vivid. Note any recurring characters or motifs. Writing them down will often get you closer to understanding. Your imagination holds the key to lifting your situation into a more joyful and free place. Thursday, you'll be ready to take practical action.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). It can be embarrassing when your cell phone accidentally calls someone from your pants pocket, buttons seemingly depressed at random. Consider that this outreach might not be such a coincidence. Technology is just another way for the universe to assist you in connecting with others.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Increase your involvement in the life of someone you love. Showing up in this person's world isn't always easy for you. You have to make a big effort in order to fit in with their friends, get into their interests and feel at ease in their "habitat." The relationship will flourish, however, when you do this very important work.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Waiting for just the right moment to celebrate is not advised. That big fancy event in your future might wind up being too stuffy and pressurized to really be fun. Pack in the larks and laughs now. The casual atmosphere and your excellent company will prove a fantastic combination for spontaneous joy.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). It's wonderful to be generous when you have extra. But when you don't have much, that's the true test of the depth of your generosity. You'll see many opportunities to give of yourself, some of them easy, others quite difficult. You relish the chance to show the world your exemplary character.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). There is something you desire at such a hidden level that even you are not fully aware of it. But you'll become more conscious as the week develops. One hint is that you will be jealous of the person who possesses this quality or thing already. Regard feelings of envy as merely signals to show you the way.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). The thing about making plans far in advance is that you can never be sure that "future you" is going to feel like doing the thing that "past you" arranged. You currently have a very accurate assessment of what "future you" will want, though, so go ahead. Be bold. Set dates and buy tickets. Enroll in a distant adventure.

THIS WEEK'S BIRTHDAYS: You want freedom, and you place yourself in scenarios that afford you plenty of room to explore, experiment and experience the wonders of the world. The next six weeks bring romantic whims and moments of vivid connection with someone special. There will be a happy reunion in November. January brings a financial decision, and it affects where you'll live. A business you'll be involved in takes off in March. There will be a sweet new influence in your life in June.

You think you know who you are, then along comes someone & it all changes...

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Number 1 song this date in 1999

Soupy Sales dies at 83

DETROIT (AP) — Soupy Sales, the rubber-faced comedian whose anything-for-a-chuckle career was built on 20,000 pies to the face and 5,000 live TV appearances across a half-century of laughs, has died. He was 83.

Sales died at Thursday night at Calvary Hospice in the Bronx, New York, said his former manager and longtime friend, Dave Usher. Sales had many health problems and entered the hospice last week, Usher said.

At the peak of his fame in the 1950s and '60s, Sales was one of the best-known faces in the nation, Usher said.

"If President Eisenhower would have walked down the street, no one would have recognized him as much as Soupy," said Usher.

At the same time, Sales retained an openness to fans that turned every restaurant meal into an endless autograph-signing session, Usher said.

"He was just good to people," Usher said.

Sales began his TV career in Detroit, where he drew a large audience on WXYZ-TV. He moved to Los Angeles in 1961.

The comic's pie-throwing schtick became his trademark, and celebrities lined up to take one on the chin alongside Sales. During the early 1960s, stars such as Frank Sinatra, Tony Curtis and Shirley MacLaine received their just desserts side-by-side with the comedian on his television show.

"I'll probably be remembered for the pies, and that's all right," Sales said in a 1985 interview.

Sales was born Milton Supman on Jan. 8, 1926, in North Carolina and grew up in Huntington, W.Va.

His greatest success came in New York with "The Soupy Sales Show" — an ostensible children's show that had little to do with Captain Kangaroo and other kiddie fare. Sales' manic, improvisational style also attracted an older audience that responded to his envelope-pushing antics.

Sales, who was typically clad in a black sweater and oversized bow-tie, was once suspended for a week after telling his legion of tiny listeners to empty their mothers' purse and mail him all the pieces of green paper bearing pictures of the presidents.

The cast of "Saturday Night Live" later paid homage by asking their audience to send in their joints. His influence was also obvious in the Pee-Wee Herman character created by Paul Reubens.

Sales is survived by his wife, Trudy, and two sons, Hunt and Tony, a pair of musicians who backed David Bowie in the band Tin Machine.

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST:

ARIES: You'll be judged by the company you keep. TAURUS: Instead of scanning those around you to see how you compare, try to do better than you did before. Then you'll be a winner. GEMINI: If you feel insecure about something, change it fast. A coach, counselor or other professional will help you. CANCER: You're strong now, so go on and risk rejection. Give it your best, and you'll gain confidence no matter what happens. LEO: You like who you are, and that's sexy. VIRGO: Wear soft clothes and get prepared for someone to reach out and touch you. LIBRA: Your intelligence is extremely attractive to a super-smart someone. SCORPIO: Clear the schedule. A loved one needs quality, undivided attention. SAGITTARIUS: There might be a cancelation, but you'll make even better spur-of-the-moment plans to fill the slot. CAPRICORN: Money and love will mix together. Your stable attitude about finance makes this possible. AQUARIUS: Others might not know how to interpret an overly generous gesture from you. Play it cool and understated instead. PISCES: You'll be in the mood to cut loose and have some fun.

COUPLE OF THE WEEKEND: Scorpio and Pisces people are intense water signs who feel they have been connected through lifetimes even if they just met. They are both highly intuitive and lead with their feelings instead of making a logically correct choice. Situations that are too controlled will suck all of the passion out of this relationship. This weekend they should step into unknown territory together, just for the adventure of it.

The Potty

A little 3 year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there a bit too long, so she goes in to see why. The little boy is sitting on the toilet, reading a book, but about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips the left side of the toilet seat with his hand and then hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while.”

Billy says, “I’m fine, mommy. I just haven’t gone ‘doody’ yet!”

Mother says, “okay, you can stay here a few more minutes, but Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?”

Billy replies, “It works with ketchup!”

Blonde Joke

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a HS football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:
The ass was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________

FRIDAY:
I hate that punk ass bitch Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the 'effin barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on some skinny health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Happy Birthday, my baby Brother Sean!

Wishing you many more! All our love!

Snoop Dogg is 38

Cordazar Calvin Broadus (born October 20, 1971),better known by his stage name Snoop Dogg, is a Grammy Award-nominated American rapper, record producer, and actor. Snoop is best known as an MC in the West Coast hip hop scene, and for being one of producer Dr. Dre's most notable protégés. He popularized the catch phrase suffix "-izzle," a slang term or infix that had been in use for decades, but not nearly to the extent that it currently permeates the pop and hip hop music industry as well as general usage.

Snoop Dogg was a Crip gang member while in high school; shortly after graduation, he was arrested for cocaine possession and sentenced to three years in prison, then began his music career in 1992 after his release. He collaborated with Dr. Dre on several tracks on Dre's solo debut, The Chronic and on the titular theme song to the film Deep Cover. Snoop's debut album, Doggystyle, was released in 1993 under Death Row Records. Doggystyle went quadruple platinum and spawned several hit singles "Who Am I (What's My Name?)" and "Gin & Juice."

In 1996, Snoop Dogg was cleared of charges over his bodyguard's 1993 murder of Phillip Woldemariam. His second album, 1996's Tha Doggfather, was his last release for Death Row before he signed with No Limit Records, with whom he recorded three albums from 1998 to 2001. Snoop then joined Capitol Records in 2002 for his album Paid tha Cost to Be da Boss, and then to Geffen Records in 2004 for his next three albums. He also joined forces with his cousin Nate Dogg and rapper Warren G as the supergroup 213 for an album in 2004.

In addition to music, Snoop Dogg has also starred in motion pictures and hosted several television shows: Doggy Fizzle Televizzle, Snoop Dogg's Father Hood, and Dogg After Dark. He also coaches a youth football league and high school football team. Snoop Dogg has also run into many legal troubles, some of which caused him to be legally banned from the UK and Australia. He is the cousin of rappers Nate Dogg, Daz Dillinger, RBX and Lil' Half Dead and the cousin of R&B singers Brandy and Ray J.

In July 2007, Snoop Dogg also made history by becoming the first artist to release a track as a ringtone prior to its release as a single, "It's the D.O.G.".

Broadus's father left the family when Broadus was 3 months old. Snoop married his high school sweetheart, Shante Taylor, on June 12, 1997. On May 21, 2004, he filed for divorce from Shante, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple renewed their wedding vows on January 12, 2008. R&B singer Brandy is his first cousin. In 2002, the rapper announced he was giving up marijuana, one of his image trademarks, for good, though this did not last long.

Weekly Horoscope:

ARIES (March 21-April 19). Initially, you may be grumpy about the many responsibilities that will fall to you. But you should be able to adopt a brighter mood, especially mid-week, when you'll be given props for being so dependable. If, however, you find it difficult to change your tune, then change your venue. Travel is favored.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). In the past, you started, and abandoned, an exercise routine -- it wasn't your fault. The activity felt more like work than play. This week offers a new chance to take part in something you will enjoy that happens to burn calories, too. A friend or instructor will provide the accountability you need to stick with it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Your love of order is threatened by someone who doesn't value it quite as much. It may seem easy for you to put things back where they belong, but for this person it's not. You're no servant, and don't be an enabler, either. Meet in the middle, helping to make things right -- but don't do it all for this person.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). Comedian Mitch Hedberg said: "I'm tired of chasing my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." This is more than a clever joke. Consider making a similar deal with destiny now. Ask to be shown the destination. Answers come in a dream or an uncanny coincidence.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You'll have the opportunity to describe yourself. Of course, you'd rather people took the time to observe and understand you, but in a fast-paced world, there are many who will need the condensed version. They'll take you at your word, too, so think carefully about how you might convey your skills, qualities and attributes.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Family, love, professional fulfillment -- many still believe that you cannot have it all. Your brilliant, graceful movement through this week will prove otherwise. It's amazing the way you create success in several areas of life at once. This is the kind of balance that people strive their whole lives to know.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There are friends, and then there are friends you'd feel comfortable borrowing money from. Not that you would necessarily, but it's nice to imagine that someone's got your back. You'll be reviewing and defining your relationships. You will be especially drawn to those who fit into more than one category.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Chicken is a game kids play to see who will back down first. Oddly, adults play it, too -- only then the consequences are much greater than a skinned knee. Avoid this game now. Be content to prove your worth to one person only -- you. There will be opportunities Thursday and Friday to surpass your own best record.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Though you are capable of thinking in many different modes, this week you will be more of a big picture person -- steering projects and letting others handle the details. Set up a few quality checks along the way. On Friday your senses will tingle when you're moving in the direction of fun and excitement.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You're certainly not looking for a homogenized version of reality. You see the value in diversity. You like to round out your coterie of true-blue friends with a few fringe people who see things differently. The exceptional blend of personalities you assemble will be a source of great insight and lucrative ideas, too.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You feel the need to make a personal change, but you don't know when to begin and may be afraid to fail. It's all part of the challenge. You'll feel braver as the week progresses. Someone reaches out to you on Saturday. What sounds like casual conversation has depth when you listen between the lines.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). If you were a ship captain, you would stand on the prow and let the ocean breeze hit you full in the face while the gulls cheer you on overhead. You are brave, you are intrepid; even these fluorescent lights can't dampen your salty spirits! The world will open to you and show you new wonders.

Jane teaches Tarzan sex

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ‘Oh ...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'

Horrified Jane said, ' Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. 'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed, ‘What did you do that for?'

Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

No Trespassing

Obamopoly

The object of the game is to destroy American capitalism by having the government take over everything. Wanna play? No? Too bad, you're already playing. And in this game, nobody wins.

Power outage causes delays at Logan - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe

Power outage causes delays at Logan - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe

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Returning the Toaster

A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!', which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says, 'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Hint: It's not the 2nd spot that looks like an eye.

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST:

ARIES: Exercise your power. Someone notices you when you flex. TAURUS: Lay your boundaries and make them clear -- you want someone to add to your life, not take it over. GEMINI: You'll be tempted to overdo things, but it will help if you're around centered, stable people who aren't prone to excess. CANCER: You know and like who you are -- a very attractive quality. LEO: You celebrate your independence, but someone else would like it if you would need him or her -- just a little. VIRGO: Approach the one you're interested in. It will go well. LIBRA: You have your own style. Stick with what has been working for you. SCORPIO: You're a prize. Be wise and selective about who you let into your world. SAGITTARIUS: Take the initiative in your life. You are the director of your own picture. CAPRICORN: Let financial issues go. Dwelling on them will only hold you back from love. AQUARIUS: Your self-sufficiency might scare off someone who is weak -- and that's a good thing. PISCES: Your confidence springs from one fact: You know how to make your own dreams come true.


COUPLE OF THE WEEKEND: Libra and Aries are a study in counterbalance. When one is feeling impulsive, the other will be the voice of reason. When one has a moment of self-doubt, the other will be a confident supporter. They are different with one another than they are with anyone else in the world. They are seldom in the same mood at the same time, which makes for delicious tension and constant excitement.

Convicted killer of Revere man gets six years in jail

REVERE - The man convicted of fatally stabbing a 26-year-old Revere man in a South Boston barroom brawl was sentenced to six years in state prison Wednesday.

Suffolk Superior Court Judge Linda Giles handed Bernard Piscopo, 40, of Dorchester, less than half of the 14- to 16-year term recommended by Assistant District Attorney Holly Broadbent.

Piscopo was originally indicted for second-degree murder for the June 17, 2007 stabbing of Adam Rich, but a jury on Tuesday convicted him of the lesser offense of voluntary manslaughter. The jury acquitted Piscopo of stabbing a surviving victim during the same incident, according to Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel F. Conley.



Prior to sentencing, Rich's father and sister addressed the court to tell of what they lost when the young man was stabbed seven times, including once in the heart.

"The last thing I ever thought I'd have to do was tell anyone how special and loved Adam was," said Brian Rich, the victim's father, adding that the young man had scored high on a test when he considered a career as a Revere firefighter.

"The month of June is now a terrible month," he continued. "Adam's birthday was in June. So is Father's Day - the day he died."

The slain man's sister, Janelle Rich, spoke at length about "the hurt and agony" of his loss.

"I ... imagine, over and over, his last moments," she said, "bleeding from seven separate stab wounds, drowning in his own blood as his lungs filled up, suffocating, gasping for air with no one but a stranger to offer him assistance. He died with no one he loved to hold him, reassure him and comfort him ... Memories of how he died haunt me every day and those memories are engraved on my soul."

During two full weeks of trial, Broadbent introduced evidence and testimony showing that the victim and another man became embroiled in a fistfight at The 6 House on West Broadway in the early morning hours of June 17, 2007. The evidence showed that others present intervened in that melee, including Piscopo and the surviving victim.

Rich was escorted from the bar but soon returned and struck Piscopo. The evidence proved that Piscopo produced a knife and stabbed Rich seven times in the back, chest, stomach, legs and hand before fleeing through the bar's back door. Rich was pronounced dead of his injuries at the Boston Medical Center a short time later.

According to published reports, Piscopo, the father of two suffering from Multiple Sclerosis, sobbed uncontrollably as the judge issued his sentence.

Nicole Crosta was the victim-witness advocate assigned to the case. Assistant District Attorney Janis Noble second-seated Broadbent. Piscopo was represented by attorney Robert George.

Rest in Peace

There's a place in heaven reserved,
for all the dogs who so faithfully served,
those of us whose hearts are bereaved,
when their place on earth they must leave.



Our deepest condolences in the loss
of your friend and companion, Duncan.

A few of life's little truths:

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shit-head's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here..

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea.

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Mary's.

13. I love being married.. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?


24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled..

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don 't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!

Singer Al Martino...

who you likely remember as the Sinatra-esque Johnny Fontane in 'The Godfather,' but also had a 50-year music career that produced hits like 'Spanish Eyes' and 'Volare,' has died at the age of 82.

Martino died on Tuesday at his childhood home in the Philadelphia suburb of Springfield, in Delaware County, according to publicist Sandy Friedman, of the Rogers & Cowan public relations firm. Friedman didn't cite a cause of death.

Captain Lou Albano...

the former professional wrestler whose WWF fame as a manager in the 1980s was surpassed by his crossover fame as a collaborator with Cyndi Lauper, has died. He was 76.

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop
lying about your age and start bragging about it.



Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.



First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

Senior Moment

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? '

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her .

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.

Geography Lesson

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of
business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.



NOW FOR THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran.
Ruled by nuts.
THE END.