To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...

and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,

scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.


Remember:

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.


Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I'm doing it as a public service!

Don't take life so seriously...

Dance

Weekly Horoscope for the week of August 16th

This is the last week of Leo's solar rule this year, and it will feel like the end of a masterful theatrical event. There is a moral to the story that has spun out over the last three weeks. Mercury and Saturn come together to drive it home, and many people will suddenly be struck with insight. Furthermore, the 19th through the 21st play out like an exceedingly long curtain call, offering several occasions to applaud.

ARIES (March 21-April 19). In every area of life, focus is vital. You have the amazing ability to separate your emotions from the task at hand and use only those feelings that will help you show up strong. It's a tricky accomplishment in a week when your feelings will be intensely passionate. Do your best. It will be more than enough.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You'll have the opportunity to experience one of the finest things in life -- time with your loved ones. The moments may seem commonplace, though, unless you take the initiative to bring something special and memorable to the scene. Savor and celebrate the uniqueness of the bond you have with loved ones.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You gravitate naturally toward hospitable souls and will be happiest in the company of those with attitudes that are as winning as yours. The qualities you find most attractive are: curiosity, humor, enthusiasm and service to others. Show compassion to those who don't fit the description, but avoid them all the same.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). You'll mingle in a crowd or work among a large number of competitors. In order to shine, you'll need a big ego and a flair for getting noticed. Pump yourself up. Keep friends around to help you feel important. Once you feel powerful, you'll be inclined toward modesty and service to others. It's the perfect combo.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Life will require maintenance. Whether it's the air conditioner at home or a misunderstanding between loved ones, attention will be needed. But don't obsess. Every broken thing has its moment for fixing. When you can do something about it, you will. In the meantime, note what is working and enjoy it to the hilt.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You behave with great dignity this week. You might be accused of being underwhelmed by life, but it's not true. You just have a subtle way of communicating and prefer to enjoy life quietly. You are not given to ostentation, and you value people who don't need extra attention and can deal in a secure and "real" manner.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Take no one for granted. Those who devote their attention, time and resources to you need to know that they are appreciated. Later in the week, new friendships are eye opening. You'll be welcomed into someone's personal space and will learn and appreciate the world differently from this vantage point.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Much of the week is spent in preparation for something big that's about to happen. However, that doesn't mean it's not as important as what is to come. Approach each task as though it were the main event. The glory is really in the details, in how well you enjoy the rehearsal and what you learn along the way.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Your life force is going strong this week and can be felt by all around you. You approach your responsibilities with conviction, and for the most part things will move to accommodate your wishes. Wednesday brings a minor glitch, though. Put on a happy face if people don't come through with what was promised.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). A goal still gleams in the distance. You wonder why it's taking so long. And though you may not be moving as quickly as you had hoped, you'll make remarkable progress this week. Continue to fill your mind with thoughts of what your life will be like -- and what you'll be like -- once you get what you're going for.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Being around tolerant people brings you up. You feel more creative when you know that you're accepted, and also when you're not wasting energy worrying whether others will be. Those who complain often and try to exclude others by imposing snobby rules will only limit your enjoyment and range of life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Whatever you think you are capable of, raise your estimation by 10 percent. You can now do more and be more. Those who think big will inspire you. When you mentally minimize your obstacles, they really will diminish. By the end of the week, you will be bold. You'll cancel out the negative with positive energy.

THIS WEEK'S BIRTHDAYS: This year you get an education -- the kind that couldn't possibly be taught in a school. You become wise. By this time next month, you'll have decided upon a new thing to want and go for. October brings fantastic new friends into your life. You'll apply yourself seriously in November. January brings the opportunity to invest in your dreams, and you'll be paid handsomely in April. You'll have a wonderfully restful spring, and fun-loving souls are attracted to your easygoing attitude.

Bubba asks a question

Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was burnt from that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer."


"But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin...What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST:

ARIES: Dating is fun, but doing things by yourself might be even more fun. At least don't rule it out. TAURUS: Be careful not to attribute qualities to someone that they don't actually possess. GEMINI: Dress up. Be surprising. You're fantastic in black. CANCER: If you're single, ask a new person out. If you're part of a couple, go somewhere new. LEO: It's attractive when you act brave even when you're not feeling that way. VIRGO: Send a playful, devilish note to the one you love. LIBRA: When you want to know exactly what's going on with a partner or potential partner, go straight to the source. SCORPIO: You love your life and that's why you'll attract others with the same condition. SAGITTARIUS: Your need for freedom and independence makes someone want to chase you. CAPRICORN: You'll be an expert at making eye contact, but don't overuse your gift. AQUARIUS: Wait and get to know a person better before you commit. PISCES: Make a decision and live with whatever you decide. Good luck!

COUPLE OF THE WEEKEND: Leo and Gemini ignite a spark with the sun in Leo and the moon in Gemini. Both signs are feeling confident and are likely to banter witty compliments and insults alike -- differentiating between the two is the tricky part. These two love to knock each other slightly off their game and watch the other person recover. In the recovery, there is real vulnerability. In the end, it's a sweet connection.

The Preacher's Son

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible.
2. A silver dollar.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. A Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up." "If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!" "If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too." "But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be." "And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."


The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."

Texas Limo

Phone Sex

9 out of 10...

The Billary Clinton Kitchen Tool

Made in China

Thought for the Day

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day!

Cutest Dog Competition

This is my grandpuppy Mila. Please click on the link below her picture(give a sec for the pic to come up on the website) and give her a vote in the Cutest Dog Competition. You can vote once a day until Friday, August 14th.

Thank you for your support!



Mila - Cutest Dog Competition

Eunice Kennedy Shriver dies at 88

BOSTON (Reuters) - Eunice Kennedy Shriver, who founded the Special Olympics and is a member of one of the most prominent American political families of the 20th century, died on Tuesday at the age of 88.

Her family said in a statement that Shriver, had died after she was hospitalized in Hyannis, the Massachusetts town on Cape Cod synonymous with the Kennedy dynasty.

"Her work transformed the lives of hundreds of millions of people across the globe and they in turn are her living legacy," the family said referring to her work with the disabled.

She is survived by her husband, Sargent Shriver.

Shriver was the middle child of nine born to Joseph P. Kennedy and his wife, Rose.

Her siblings include John F. Kennedy, who was elected president in 1960 and assassinated in 1963, Robert, a New York senator whose presidential bid ended when he was assassinated in 1968, and Senator Edward Kennedy.

Edward Kennedy, battling brain cancer diagnosed in May 2008, is considered a lion of the Democratic Party because of his decades-long fight for liberal causes that include healthcare reform.

Shriver's children include Maria, a former television journalist who married California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Shriver started the Special Olympics Games in 1968 to foster fitness and self-esteem for those with mental retardation and advocated in Washington for her cause well into her eighties. The event has grown to include 190 nations.

Her concern for the mentally handicapped was attributed to her relationship with older sister Rosemary, who was said to have been mildly retarded and spent the majority of her life in a long-term care facility after a lobotomy.

Government Job

A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asked him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replied "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he said, "I was in Iraq two 2 years."

The interviewer said, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy said, "Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."

The interviewer grimaced and said, "OK, you've got enough points to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 a..m. to 4:00 p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 a.m., and plan on starting at 10:00 a.m. every day."

The guy was puzzled and said, "If the work hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., why don't you want me to be here until 10:00 a.m.?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer said, "For the first two hours, we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Words for Women to Live By :)

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt.... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself..

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

A Letter From The Boss

As CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees are going to increase in a big way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to rise by about 10%.

But it would be folly to increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy. Instead, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are a family and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I've done:

I walked through our employee parking lots and found sixty 'Vote for Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars. I have decided these folks will be the ones to be let go. I can't think of a fairer way to deal with this problem. They voted for 'change,' and I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

Old Age...