You know you're a nurse when…

• the front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!'

• you occasionally park in the space with the 'physicians only' sign... and knock it over.

• you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

• you recognize that you can't cure stupid.

• you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

• you believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

• you believe that saying 'it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can

• you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

• you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

• you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

• eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

• you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

• you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'

• you've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

• you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.

• your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago’s water tank.

• you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

• you believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.

• your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.

• you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.

• you've sworn to have 'do not resuscitate' tattooed on your chest. Soon.

• discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you

• your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

• your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

• you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

• you believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognized diagnosis.

• you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

• you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase 'Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?

• you have ever wanted to write a book entitled 'Suicide: getting it right the first time.'

• you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say 'I have no idea how that got stuck in there.'

• you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.